Revised version of old verses

1.
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn’t keep her.
So she got a job herself
And that kept pumpkins on the shelf.

2.
Jack Sprat could eat no fat,
His wife could eat no lean.
When Jack’s wife had a heart attack,
She adapted a healthier cuisine.

3.
(To the tune of Yon Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond. This should be sung while driving in heavy traffic, unless it causes a dangerous distraction.)

I’ll take the right side and you take the left side and we will not bother each other.
If I stay in my lane and you stay in your lane, our cars will not hit one another.

4. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the state’s lawyers and all the state’s courts.
Took months to compose all their reports.

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